I'm Sorry

“I’m Sorry” is a simple phrase that often has ‘boy who cried wolf’ syndrome associated with it. What do I mean by that you might ask? It is a phrase that is overused in inappropriate situations.

For example, I have a college roommate who would always say ‘I’m Sorry’ even if it was not her fault.

It is a phrase that people respond to when you are complaining, for example: “I don’t have enough time in the day to do everything!” often can get a reply “I’m sorry” instead of something more solutions oriented like “What can I help you with?” or “Can we look at your time management, or everything you have on your plate, and how to balance it?” These are more solutions oriented and continue a conversation. “I’m sorry” is a conversation stopper.

On my voicemail at work I say something to the effects of, “I’m sorry I was not able to take your call at the moment, and please leave a message. I will get back to you as soon as possible.” To which a colleague left me a voicemail saying, “Don’t be sorry you aren’t at your desk, you can call me back later, and I am sure you are doing something exciting and important!” And I do not remember what I was doing, but I can promise you I was learning something from the experience.

I have a friend who is an MBA student in California, and he complains to me sometimes. My response is usually “I’m sorry” and he argues with me every time I say it. I ask him what he wants me to say as a response, he usually does not have a good answer, and he wants me to say something different, yet to be determined. Recently I was truly sorry about something this friend shared with me and it was hard to say “I’m sorry” because it has such the ‘boy who cried wolf’ association with it.

“I’m sorry” is a phrase I picked up long ago, as a common statement in my conversations, mostly as a space-filler, or as a response when I don’t have a better response. As mentioned above, it is a conversation stopper, not a conversation continuer. Based on the feedback I have gotten recently about my use of “I’m Sorry” I am trying to remove it from my typical communication patterns. I think the feedback about “I’m sorry” sprung me into action because it came from a few different sources, which to me means there is something in it for me (WIIFM) because more than one person sees it the same way.

We will see how it goes, but I am making an effort to work on it. So if you catch me saying “I’m sorry” please help me make sure I really mean “I’m sorry” instead of using it as a space-filler. And if you are working on any language pattern changes, let me know how I can be of help to you… I have gotten really good at counting “ums” for other people. That might be next on my list of language changes.