Get Smart

In order to wrap my mind around effective feedback it is important to 'Get Smart' about what I am trying to say. Get Smart deals with our perceptions and filters that we bring into the conversation and situation. We see the world around us based on past experiences and situations, and we carry them with us into the rest of our lives. Some people might call it 'baggage' but I like to call it our unique personalities.

When I was in my iLoveFeedback class the example that set the light-bulb off in my head came from another participant (Why don’t we call her Dana*) who was expressing lots of emotions around the idea of offering feedback in a coffee shop or restaurant. Dana kept saying don't do feedback in a restaurant, and when the instructor asked her why, Dana's response was based on a time she had given feedback in a restaurant. Her situation ended with the employee bursting into tears and could not stop crying. This caused a scene and Dana was horrified and embarrassed about the situation.

When Dana told this story I chucked to myself a little bit because it reminded me of a situation where I was offering some feedback in public. I was part of a fellowship and a series of meetings were set up for us to offer feedback about the program to a member of the board. I had never met this board member before, and we met in the public lobby of a community center. There were a few seating clusters, and we picked one to have our conversation. I do not remember what his first question was, all I remember is crying through the entire interview/feedback session because I was having a rough experience in my fellowship. I was mortified that we were sitting in this lobby having this conversation, and I had lost my composure.

My story came flooding back to me and I could relate to where Dana was coming from. Often we do not have that reference point with the person we are offering feedback to, so we have to remember that everyone takes comments/feedback, and relates them to their own situation. Our best intentions might come across in the wrong light depending on where the other person is coming from.

The only thing we each can do in that situation is make sure we know where we are coming from, and be open to other perceptions of the topic at hand.

* This name was changed to protect the innocent.